A Year of Change

2018 was unforgettable. I quit High school at the beginning of my senior year, grade 12!!!! My ballet teachers and I knew, that it was time to decide if I wanted to continue my dance training. If I wanted to be a dancer I needed to study outside of Cambodia because there are many things I cannot learn here.

When I started my senior year, I thought I could still do school and dance but it turned out that I had to choose which path I should take, finishing high school or becoming a dancer. I chose to quit high school and focus on dance.

The reason that I stopped high school was because I realized that I couldn't focus on ballet and do school. My body was so tired, my brain was not working because of studying all day - 68 hours per week in school - plus a ballet class in the evening. I felt so bad that I couldn't dance well. I remember crying several times because I couldn't catch the exercises. I started to look at dance as a punishment until my teacher asked me about what was going on with my life. After I shared about what was happening, the staff at my ballet school decided to have a meeting with me. They tried their best to reschedule and give me a ballet class after school but couldn't.

Finally, I took a leap of faith, dropped out of high school to focus on my dance training and get ready to apply to a professional dance training school. It was really hard for me to decide because it means I won't study with my friends anymore and I will never have a graduate certificate from my school here in Cambodia. But I believe that this is my dream and I'm sure that this is God's plan for me. Also being supported by my Teachers, staff at my ballet school and my community in Phnom Penh helped me not feel rejected and disappointed when my relatives didn't understand. They said they would be right behind me whatever decision I made. And that's where my dream started to look real. I worked with my teachers to prepare an audition video to apply to train at a school in the UK.

A Special Evening

On Saturday, my ballet school had 2 performances. All the students performed ballet solos in the morning. I danced a piece called Pharaoh’s Daughter. In the evening there was a special contemporary dance performance. I danced in three pieces.

In the morning some Khmer children came and watched us dance. After the solos finished, I went to talk to them and encouraged them to continue dancing. I was told that they just started to dance with one of the missionaries here in Cambodia. At first, they were shy because they thought I was a foreigner until I said hello in Khmer, they were surprised and said to each other “ohhh, She’s Khmer!!!”. Then they started to talk to me and feel safe to look at me. I understand why they thought I was a foreigner because I wore a beautiful tutu which they have never seen and also, it’s not possible to believe that there are Khmer ballerinas. They said they only see the foreigners on YouTube. They couldn’t believe that it was real. I told them that they can touch and feel it. When they touched it, I felt so happy to see that they enjoy touching it. And there was one boy that asked me, “I am the only boy that is interested in dancing. Is it common to have a male dancer? ” And I told him that it's ok to be the only boy dancing because outside of our country, there are lots of male dancers.

After the solos, we went to eat lunch and had a little bit of a rest before the evening performance. I was so tired from the solo performance. Now I understand what a dancers life looks like. Even though were tired or sick, we danced no matter what. We have to make it look beautiful and easy when sometimes it is painful and hard.

I loved these performances so much. I felt so different then before. It was my first time to dance Amazing Grace with my teacher. The dance was about him coming to Cambodia and me joining him. He has given me everything I know and now he’s watching me leave to train more in London. It was really sad. I am sad already.

Another special thing I did on Saturday was stand on the stage and share my dream and life with others. I felt so joyful to see that there are lots of people who are trying to help me and walk with me.

Me and my teacher Stephen.

My favorite community dance project

My favorite community dance project that I have done in DMIC (Dance Made In Cambodia) is Ogden, The Fish Who Couldn’t Swim Straight by Gabrielle Yetter and Monnyreak Ket. It’s about a fish who lived in a plastic bag at the fairground called Ogden. Ogden only knew how to swim in circles, but one day he found himself in the river. He didn’t know what to do and was very scared. An eel came and helped him learn how to survive in a new place.

I like this story because I got to dance Ogden and his story is the same as mine. I have just got in to one of the best dance schools in London. It’s going to be hard for me to feel secure and be brave in a completely new world outside Cambodia. But I have learned from this story that no matter where I am, I’m not alone. There are people like the eel to guide me and walk me through this journey. It also teaches me to take risk and try something new. I like this quote.

“Life is too short to be scared and not take risks. I'd rather be the person that's like, I messed up, than, I wish I did that.”

Whenever I dance in a community dance project, it brings me the memories of when I first started and it is also how I got to be a dancer now. The differences between ballet and community dance are:

• You get to meet lots of people with different nationality, culture, religion and language. But somehow, we can communicate with our body.

• There is no right or wrong movement. In ballet, we have to have a good technique, position, turnout and flexibility.

• Everyone has an important role to do. It requires team work, cooperation and helping each other out.

• It really doesn’t matter if you are a dancer or not, you can still join in.

• We explore our bodies, find out how amazing they are.